Are you the sad one?

Another post that I wrote in English because it expressed better how I feel.
Bild: DanEvans
to my mother – who never gave up on me. nor will she. nor would I love her less if she would.

From the two of us? I am the sad one. Or am I?

‚Remember it’s not cancer. Remember you could be worse. Remember that how you feel is just this moment crashing down on you.‘

I live now that it feels like cancer. It is not cancer though. I live now that it feels bad and it could be much worse, and I feel that I have lived this moment for a long time now.

The moment where it feels bad and could be much worse. I could be much worse.

‚And I know you’re hurting, too… but“

I could be happier, too. I could be as happy as a jumping fish and it makes me sad I will never be a happy fish like you. It is only moments where I refresh and gasp for sweet air.

The moments where it feels good and couldn’t be better. I couldn’t be better. And I feel that I haven’t lived these moments for a long time now.

Are you happy though? Are you as happy as I need you to be to even have the time to think about my own happiness?

‚When do I get better? When do I get better? When will my body obey?‘

What do I need to do to let you be the sad one for once?

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